Punning in Hebrish

One thing I've come to appreciate since moving here is that English has a life of its own as a second language. At first I thought it was weird to see, say, Serbian Eurovision announcers talking to each other in awkward English, but then I started to realize that there are many forms of English: American English, British English, and International English (including its Israeli form, Hebrish).  In some Israeli commercials, for example, you actually hear voice-overs in Israeli-accented English-- sure, they could have found someone with a flawless American accent, but they wanted Hebrish, not American English.

One of the most awesome and cringe-worthy aspects of Hebrish is the Israeli love for bad Hebrew-English puns. For example, a pizza shop down the street from us is called פיצה מן, which is a mild pun on "man" and "manna" (as in the bread that rained from the sky for the Israelites in Sinai). "Manna" in Hebrew is pronounced "mon." To any American, the vowel sound in "man" and "mon" are not the same (unless the pizza joint is rostafarian, mon). But Israelis don't hear the difference between these vowels, so... welcome to the world of Hebrish punning, where "dead pun" takes on a whole new meaning.

Here are a few other classic bad Hebrish puns... what would you add to the list?

 

1. The Grand Canyon... which is a mall near Haifa. "Kenyon" is the Hebrew word for "mall." What better name for a big mall than "Grand Canyon"? What... you don't think a majestic natural wonder and a shopping center have anything in common? Well... but... kenyon! Canyon! Get it?

 

2. Zer4U, a chain of Israeli florists. If you don't get this one right away, first consider the fact that "zer" means "bouquet" in Hebrew. Then say "zer 4 U" really slowly and imagine yourself speaking English with a thick Israeli accent... get it? Get it? I'm zer for you!

 

3. Cup O'Joe, an Israeli coffee shop chain. (Thanks to Toby for pointing this one out in the comments of my post about Israelis not being able to read their own language!) Ok, so this one really only works if you read the name in Hebrew as well. In the English version, you see that the name is "cup o'Joe," which obviously refers to a cup of coffee (Joe). But in Hebrew, the vowels and consonants are ambiguous, so the name just as easily reads as "cuppa joe" or "cafe joe"-- and the word for "coffee" in Hebrew is "cafe." See how that works? This is a little more sophisticated than Grand Kenyon or Zer4U, but still fabulous. 

 

4. Top Gan... an Israeli kindergarten. So the word for kindergarten (and garden) is "gan," and that old Tom Cruise movie was called "Top Gun," and in Hebrish "gan" and "gun" are the same sound....  hence this actual name for an Israeli daycare center. (That's not the actual picture-- it's what came up when I ran a google image search for "top gan." Based on its context, I'd say it's some kind of knock-off image from Indonesia.) Do you really want to imagine Tom Cruise giving you thumbs up as you drop little Itay off at gan? Does a Tom Cruise flight movie and a kindergarten have anything in common other than the word "gan"? No... but that never stopped Hebrew punsters! ("Top Gan" is also the name of a chain of garden stores: www.topgan.co.il.) 

Update: here's the real picture of the outside of the Gan, and though it isn't as pretty as a young Tom Cruise, it's about as creepy-looking:

Here's one that "anonymous" brought up in the comments, and it was too good to leave out...

5. Oh Magash, a chain of pizza shops. (Magash=pan of pizza.) Priceless! (For the record, I'm going to continue to believe that "Paz Gas" is not an intentional pun.... please don't tell me otherwise. That would just be too depressing. www.pazgas.co.il)

This phenomenon is so widespread that I'm sure there are examples I'm missing. Have you encountered any bad Hebrish puns?

Still alive! (In which I blame the lack of posts on Lior Narkis)

Just wanted to let y'all know that I'm not sick, have not been hit by a monit sherut, and have not decided to abandon Israel for a small Yurt in the Himalayas. I've actually just been busy, and I figure one of the perks of blogging for fun is that I can take vast unpaid vacations without any warning.

Really, though, what happened was that I saw this Lior Narkis music video and was at a loss for words for several weeks. I can't explain the video. I can't even tell you what aspect of Israeli culture would spawn something this odd, although most oddly, it doesn't surprise me at all. And I should further caveat this video by saying that this song is really popular and blares on Israeli streets from arse-mobiles at all hours of the day, Lior Narkis is a Mizrachi singer who sings love songs, and this is the song's real music video. The lyrics basically say "You're really sweet. Everything you do is really sweet. I want to hug you."

I can't embed the video, so just follow this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zqt-nZHrAfw
And I'm not talking about all the gratuitous bikini shots... watch to the very end.


Now you know.

P.S. In a serious story about Israeli medical rescue, I hope you're all aware of the amazing job that Israel has done in rescuing survivors in Haiti. We were one of the first to set up a fully functional field hospital and we've recently been among the last to pull survivors out of the rubble. Check out a sample story here (and from the Philadelphia Bulletin, just to show that the Jerusalem post isn't alone in applauding the Israeli delegation. I even found a positive mention of Israel's rescue teams at Aljazeera.net).

UPDATE: Oh. My. This music video is part of a series. Here's the next one, and again, you have to watch to the very end. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10c0FVoMfA4&feature=related 

I guess you can say many things about Lior Narkis, many of them starting with "tasteless," but the guy definitely doesn't take himself too seriously!