Be a Sexy Bride

In the US, I think brides usually try to achieve a look that says "dewy," "virginal," "elegant." Israeli brides, on the other hand, tend to go for... well... not so virginal.

Take a look at the wedding dresses in this clip from a show by the Israeli comedian Adi Ashkenazi, whose insights about Israeli culture inspire me to write this blog:



There's a powerful trend among Israeli brides to wear, basically, thin polyester lace over white bra cups. If you dare, take a look at this Yediot Ahronot article about trends in bride dresses for winter weddings-- I would place the top photo here, but it is literally too skimpy for me to post on this blog. Winter weddings, people. Those girls look cold. (The bride looks cold, too.)

The thing that is especially impressive about these gowns is that they will inevitably be worn in traditional Jewish weddings, presided over by orthodox rabbis. My wedding in the US was performed by a Chabad rabbi, so I made an extra effort to insure that not even my collar bone was showing-- I modified the McCall's pattern for a long-sleeved dress so that its neck reached even higher than on the dowdy bride on the pattern bag. In this dress, on the other hand, I'm pretty sure I can see the bride's belly button:

 

(Source: http://kala-levana.index.co.il/kala-levana/siteFiles/1/2819/14086.asp)

In reality, I don't think Israelis look at these dresses and think "sexy." They look at them and think "yafefiyah" (soooo pretty)... which, as we know from Isra-fab home decor, usually involves dangerous levels of crackle paint and glitter. Furthermore, Israelis believe that showing skin is snazzy, not skanky. (See some terrifying examples of snazzy Israeli fashion in this post.) To the average secular Israeli, covering up too much skin is sad, while wearing skin-tight spandex at age 60 is festive. By logical extension, on your wedding day you should wear almost nothing with maximum sparkles and embellishment, and all eyes will be on you! Er, parts of you, at least.

If you're invited to an Israeli wedding, wear whatever you normally wore on Friday night in Jewish summer camp, and you'll be dressed appropriately. See this post from What War Zone??? for more insight into the frightening and festive beast that is the Israeli wedding. But if you're the Israeli bride, ask yourself whether Madonna would have worn your dress in a music video during the 1980s. If the answer is yes, your dress is probably yafefiyah.

Have you had any adventures in Israeli weddings? Was your wedding dress "yafefiyah"?

You are never too old to wear Spandex

I'm a junkie for wardrobe-improvement shows like What Not To Wear, in which fashionably superior women or gay men take people with poor fashion sense and teach them how to dress with class and age-appropriateness. Yet I have come to understand that Trinny and Susana's fashion choices simply don't apply in Israel.

For one thing, "age-appropriate" here seems to be defined like this: the older you are, the harder you have to work to flaunt your sex appeal. Otherwise how will anyone notice you?

The picture on the left is of Tsipi Shavit, a beloved Israeli performer for whom I have huge respect. I saw her as part of a three-woman show in Kiryat Chaim recently, and at 62 years old she sparked with energy-- doing high kicks, singing show tunes, running around the stage, cracking jokes about her sex life. My husband remembers Tsipi from his childhood when she became famous for her kids shows (and Hebrew translations of songs like "Somewhere Over the Rainbow). From an American perspective, this picture would land her on a worst-dressed list. In Israel, this would be appropriate wedding attire (and reminds me of what some Israelis wore to my wedding).

Israel is a country of schizophrenic dichotomies. In certain neighborhoods of Jerusalem and Bet Shemesh, a woman can get beaten for wearing pants or (gasp!) jogging in the wrong neighborhood. After all, nothing is more provocative than a smelly, sweaty woman in a sports bra and a baggy t-shirt. In secular areas, on the other hand, it seems like the more (spotty, sun-damaged) skin you show, the better. "Proper work attire" might involve skin-tight, cleavage-bearing purple spandex. I'm only slightly exaggerating when I say that what slutty college girls wear to frat parties in the US is average attire for 50-year-old bank tellers here.

And the thing is that it's all about context-- while you might look sad and desperate in America wearing the same clothing, you'll look snazzy to your friends in Israel. If a middle-aged woman wears silver mesh over a black bra, tight embroidered jeans, and silver platform shoes in the US, she'll look like an aging hooker-- in Israel, she'll look like she really keeps herself up. If she, on the other hand, wears loose-fitting button-down shirts with a cardigan and straight-legged linen pants, she will probably look boring to her Israeli friends. (She's really let herself go.) Also, Israelis don't let a few fat folds keep them from wearing a bikini or spandex top-- and if you're male, certainly don't stop wearing your Speedo just because you can't see your toes.

I'm curious about what "What Not to Wear" would look like if it came to Israel. It would either involve a total reformation of Israeli fashion sense (Israelis love to critique each other and believe most things are done better outside Israel) or it would embrace Israeli sensibilities. I can see "Trinny and Shoshana" now: "No, no, you must wear POLYESTER to bring out your eyes!"